Random Jokes

A guy goes into a drug store to buy condoms. The girl behind the counter says, "What size?"

He says, "I don't know."

She holds up a finger and says, "That big?"

He says, "Bigger."

She holds up three fingers and says, "That big?"

He says, "Smaller?"

She holds up two fingers and he says, "That's it."

She puts the two fingers in her mouth and says, "Medium."

A young girl gets married and a few days later her mother goes to visit. When she knocks on the door, she is shocked to see her daughter open it naked. "What are you doing?" she asks. "Mom, it's my LOVE dress!! Don't you like it?" I'll come back in a few weeks when the honeymoon is over" replies the mom.

When she goes back, she is shocked when once again her daughter is naked. "Now what are you doing?" "Mom, it's my LOVE dress. It keeps the marriage spicy!"

Later that night the mom decides to try it for herself. When her husband comes home, he gives the same reaction: "Honey, what are you doing?" she give him the same answer her daughter gave her, "It's my LOVE dress! What do you think of it?" Her husband thinks long and hard and says, "I think you should have ironed it!"

Babae: Darling, if we get engaged will you give me a ring?..

Lalake: sure! what's your number?..

Bisaya1: ang gara ng kutsi, siguro ki Miyur yan...

Bisaya2: dili, bay!..

Bisaya1: ki Hipi?..

Bisaya2: tunto ka man, bay! ki Father yan! gisulat na nga sa likod oh, SAFARI...

B*bo1: 2+2?

B*bo2: eh, di 5!..

B*bo1: wahahahahahahaha...

B*bo2: bakit ka tumatawa?..

B*bo1: eh kasi 'kala ko di mo alam eh...

Apo: Lolo halina at bagong luto pa itong arroz caldo para makahigp po kayo ng sabaw para naman po mainitan ang sikmura nyo, halina po kayo lo!!





Lolo: F*CK OFF!!!! :!: :!:

TITSER: Ano ang PAST TENSE sa LABA?

BOY#1: Naglaba mam!

TITSER: Tama! Ano ang PRESENT TENSE?

BOY#2: Naglalaba!

TITSER: Tama! Ano naman ang FUTURE TENSE?


BOY#3: MAGSASAMPAY mam!

---nak ng korne

A bored sadist, murderer, necrophile, zoophile, pyromaniac and masochist in a psychiatric ward.


SADIST: hey, why don’t we torture a cat?

ZOOPHILE: yeah! We’ll torture a cat then f*ck it!

MURDERER: we’ll torture it, f*ck it and them kill it!

NECROPHILE: we’ll torture it, f*ck it, kill it, and then f*ck it again!

PYROMANIAC: Yeah, then we’ll burn the cat!
[sudden silence.. Then all asked the masochist, "WHY don’t you say anything?"]



MASOCHIST: meow!

isang intsik namatay.pumuntang langit.tinanong si san pedro..



intsik: san tong lugar??

san pedro: ito ang langit.

intsik:baket ako dito?

san pedro:ksi namatay k na.wag ka mag-alala.malamig dito.

intsik:eh ano kabila lugar??

san pedro:yun ung impyerno!shit.sobrang init dun ehh.

intsik:ahh.ganun?cge, ako alis muna.punta kabila..

san pedro:bakit ka aalis??

intsik:ako benta ice tubeg!

anong tawag sa hayop na walang gilagid???

edi...





























...lang-GUM!


chupul.:O

@ leng: nice joke 2 ah hahaha... )

bkt tumitingala ang pari pag naihi??









PARI: o diyos ko s pag ihi ko na lang ba toh magagamit?!





-korni-